After the Event
by GiraffeGirl
Summary: There's always so much more to the story than what you see at first. Their story didn't finish at the end of each episode. Series of episode tags. 9th and 10th dr and Rose.
1. The Unquiet Dead

She was hanging around the console room hesitantly, still dressed in her finery from the nineteenth century. Her hair was tumbling out of the clip and hanging across her shoulders. She was beginning to look more like twenty-first century Rose minute by minute.

"Right, where now?" He was useless at making conversation; much better to be the action man, that was the character he knew best. He busied himself fiddling with controls, pretending to be doing something very important so that he could avoid analysing what had happened today. When she didn't reply, he looked up. "Rose?"

She shook her head distractedly. "Wherever. I don't care."

"I'm offering you all of history, all of the universe, and you don't _care_?" he was incredulous.

"No, I don't mean that!" Rose pulled a face. "I meant… it doesn't matter, it…" She shook her head again, more tendrils of hair falling down her neck. She ran a finger along the control panel, as though she were checking for dust.

He smiled in spite of himself. "You don't exactly look the part."

She frowned. "What do you mean?"

"With your dust test. Not exactly housekeeper material are you?" he gestured to her outfit.

"Well maids don't get much help from you do they?" She surprised them both with the venom in her voice. She dropped her eyes to the floor and stepped away awkwardly. "Sorry," she mumbled.

There was a long pause.

"No you're not," he said finally, leaning against the control panel and folding his arms. "So don't pretend you are." He looked down at his feet and rubbed his shoes together. "I probably deserved that anyway. But you need to stop letting it get to you so much."

Rose looked at him disbelievingly. "What do you mean? Stop letting _what_ get to me?"

"This, all of this." He waved his arms around vaguely. "Rose, if you're going to stay with me, stuff like this is going to happen. We're going to see people die and not be able to save them-" He wasn't able to finish his sentence as she cut him off.

"But you could have saved her!" she exclaimed. "You could have stopped it all from happening, you could have…" Some of the fight in her seemed to die out. "You could have," she concluded softly.

There was so much she didn't understand still, he realised suddenly. So much that she had to learn about everything. Not just all of _this_, all this time-travelling, this planet hopping. She still had a lot to learn about life, normal life. She was so young. So young and perfect. She hadn't had anything bad happen to her yet, nothing to spoil her innocence. And here he was, taking her places, showing her things she wasn't ready for yet. He'd forgotten she was just a human.

"I couldn't." He matched her soft tone, wanting to reach out and take her hand but not quite daring to. "Rose, I couldn't. It's complicated, it's…"

"You said you helped people," Rose said.

"I do!"

"But not her? Why not her?" Rose demanded. "What was so bad about her? Why couldn't you save her?"

"There was nothing bad about her!" He stood up and walked across the room, needing to get some distance away from her. He was getting so irritable in his old age, he really should learn to relax a bit more. But she… she was so irritating sometimes, demanding explanations, and persisting and never giving in… He smiled to himself wryly. That was why he'd wanted her here. He couldn't go complaining now.

"Then why?" she asked.

The eternal question. Why did some people die and others didn't? Even he couldn't answer that. And he knew that it didn't make sense. If he could save some people, then why couldn't he save them all?

He turned back to face her, trying to find a simple way of explaining the unexplainable. "It's like I said before… everything has to come to an end. I can't keep jumping in and saving people if it's their time to go."

"She was barely older than me, though. How could it have been her time to go?"

"It happens. People die young all the time." He knew he was being flippant about it, but he couldn't see any other way to be. If he let all of this pile in upon him too often, then he might as well give up. Feeling for every person that died… that would kill him.

"But she didn't have to, she didn't have to let them through," Rose reminded him. "That was you, you wanted to save them."

"So did she."

"She was just a girl, though, just some poor housemaid. You're a Time Lord. You should have known better."

He caught her eyes with his own. "We all make mistakes."

There wasn't much she could say to that.

There was a long silence in the control room. They both avoided looking at each other for a time. Then he finally broke it.

"So. Where to now?" He moved back to the control panel and flicked a few more switches.

Rose's voice wobbled slightly when she spoke. "Home."

His head jerked up and he felt a slight moment of panic. "Home? You mean you want to…"

"I want to go home." Her face suddenly cracked into a broad grin. "Only to get some more stuff. And to check on Mum."

"And Ricky."

"His name's Mickey." Rose rolled her eyes.

"At least I remembered him at all," he said, giving her a pointed look.

"Oh shut up!" She slapped him on the arm. "Right, I'm going to go and get changed. Don't go having any fun without me!"

As she walked away he shook his head. He wouldn't. He wasn't sure he could anymore anyway.


	2. World War Three

"Seriously, Rose, that is a lot of stuff," he remarked, as she dumped her rucksack on the floor of the control room.

"Well it's not like we're going on a package holiday to Malaga for a fortnight, is it?" she pointed out. "I want to be prepared for all eventualities this time. Anyway, it's not like you haven't got the space to store it."

He had to agree; the TARDIS was huge. Huge and empty most of the time. He'd told her he didn't do domestic, that under no circumstances was she to make this place domestic. But it was nice to have someone else around for a change, with all their clutter and mess.

"So long as you put it away," he said, determined not to give in too easily. He knew what women were like; start giving an inch and they'd have taken a mile faster than you could say Raxacoricofallapatorius.

"I will!" She rolled her eyes good-naturedly. A mischievous glint came into them. "How's your cheek doing?"

"My cheek? What do you mean…?" He instinctively put a hand up to it and remembered the slap Jackie had given him. "Oh shut up!" He pushed her.

She laughed. "Okay, I'm sorry. Next time we visit-"

"Next time? Who says there'll be a next time?"

"-_next time_ we visit," Rose stressed, giving him a defiant look, "you'll know to duck."

He frowned, but brightened up again. "Anyway. Where are we off to next?"

"You know, you could have let Mickey on board," Rose ignored his question. "He wouldn't have been _that_ much trouble."

"He's an idiot!"

"He's my boyfriend!" Rose retorted. "And he just saved the world."

"With some help," the Doctor sniffed and shrugged. "Anyway, it gets complicated when you let more people on board."

"Yeah. 'Cause you'd really be tripping over each other in this place," Rose muttered.

"I wasn't the one who left him behind in the first place," he reminded her. She looked away, and he could see some guilt come into her face. Time to lighten the mood a bit. "Anyway, aren't I good enough company for you?"

"Of course!" Rose let the words tumble out without much thought, and then blushed slightly. "I mean, you're pretty good company."

"Good. So are you." He flashed her a grin and she couldn't help but return it. "Now. Where are we going? Past or future?" He dangled the thought appetisingly in front of her.

"Future," Rose decided finally. As he flicked a few switches, she put her arms round his waist and gave him a brief awkward hug. To her surprise, after stiffening slightly, he put his arm round her too.

"What was that for?" he asked, looking puzzled.

"I don't know. Saving the world. Again." Rose let him go. "I'll go and put my stuff away. Come and get me when we land."

He nodded. He was pretty glad he'd saved the world again. But he was even more glad that he hadn't lost her.


	3. Dalek

"Where's your pretty boy gone?"

"_Adam_ has gone to have a shower." Rose gave him a firm stare. "Try and get his name right, at least."

He didn't reply. She moved across the console room and put a hand gently on his shoulder, the leather squeaking softly under her touch.

"Are you okay?" she asked softly.

That question sent shivers down his spine. Of course he wasn't okay. He hadn't been okay for a very long time, and he doubted if he would be again. But he couldn't tell her. It felt strange to even have anyone ask, anyone care enough to bother.

"Yeah. 'Course I am."

Rose studied his face carefully. "You sure?"

"Certain."

She still looked doubtful. "You do know why I stopped you today, don't you? I couldn't let you shoot that… _thing_-"

"Dalek."

"-Dalek… not when it was so vulnerable."

She looked so unsure. He knew she only wanted to please him, make him happy. She wanted him to say she'd done the right thing. But he really wasn't sure, he didn't know if she had or not. He knew from all his experience that things never really turned out the way you wanted… And those Daleks were pesky buggers.

At long last he replied. "No, I know. You were right, it was unfair of me." He forced a smile. "I'm fine."

Still she hesitated. "You know… my dad died." He looked at her sharply, not sure where this was coming from. She continued hurriedly. "When I was a baby, I mean. Ages ago. It's not the same as you, it's not anything like you. I just thought…"

He knew what she just thought and he was grateful. This girl… sometimes he wondered how he'd lived without her. Rose Tyler. He'd forgotten how good it felt just to have someone with you when you visited these places, someone to talk things over with. He knew he wasn't very good at it; he'd spent too long bottling everything up. But he was learning. He hadn't realised until now how lonely he'd been before, haunted by his past and with no one to talk to about it, or to change the subject and take his mind off it. At this moment he felt a rush of love for this girl who had entered his life. She couldn't possibly feel the pain and guilt and grief he did and he would never want her to. But she was trying.

He smiled and gently stroked her hair. "Thanks. Now, you better go and make sure Pretty Boy doesn't do something daft."

"His name's Adam!"

He knew his name was Adam really. But he had competition on his hands now. And he would be damned if he'd give Rose up that easily


	4. The Long Game

"You're not really going to leave him, are you?" Rose looked alarmed as he fired the TARDIS up. "I mean, not _really_?"

He didn't reply but gave her a steady gaze as she felt the timeship begin to move.

"But what about that thing in his head? What's he going to do with himself?"

"He's a genius. I'm sure he'll figure it out."

"You really don't like him, do you?"

He shook his head. "No. I don't."

"You said everyone made mistakes. Surely you can't hold it against him. He did say he was sorry."

"He didn't mean it though."

"How do you know?"

"I'm a genius. I figured it out."

A smile tugged at the corner of Rose's mouth and she tried to fight it. He wished she wouldn't. She looked so lovely when she smiled. Not that she didn't always look lovely, but when she smiled…

"So what about me then?"

"What do you mean, what about you?" He pulled himself out of his reverie.

"Well, what about when I make a mistake. Are you just going to leave me too?" There was a tremble in her voice, like she dreaded the answer.

After a long pause, he shook his head soundlessly.

"You don't know that," she pushed him further. "What if I'd done what Adam had done?"

"You wouldn't though."

"But if I did-"

"You wouldn't!" He spoke firmly. "I know you wouldn't." He softened his voice a little. "I said I only take the best. Don't prove me wrong, Rose." He knew it was a lot to ask of her, to live up to his expectations. But he needed to be right about something in this stupid universe. He'd been wrong about the Time War, and Adam and the Gelth… he wanted to believe in what he thought about her for ever. He needed that belief in something… why not her?

He could see the daunting prospect of the task written across her face like ten foot high letters. She looked terrified. She had nothing to fear; he knew deep down that she'd never do anything bad enough to make him want to leave her behind. She couldn't ever do something that awful. And he knew in his heart that even if she did, he'd forgive her a million times over.

"Don't worry about that," he said finally, trying to comfort her. "Come on, forget about him. He's not worth it." He could see her about to get angry about that so he deftly changed the subject. "You were telling me about your dad earlier. What happened?"


	5. Fathers' Day

This was domestic and a half. He couldn't help thinking that as he handed her a cup of tea and a box of tissues. She didn't reply, still too choked up with tears to say much, but she managed to force a wobbly smile and took the mug in a trembling hand.

They sat in companiable silence for a long time, the only sound the occasional choke from Rose. He sat on the control room floor, looking into his rapidly cooling tea and musing over the events of the day. He'd known it had been a bad idea to come here, but he'd still done it. Had barely even tried to talk her out of it. He wondered why, but already knew the answer. He'd learnt early on that he rarely won arguments with Rose anyway, and on top of that, he just wanted to make her happy. He'd done what she'd asked him to do. He might have known it would end in tears.

"Thank you," she managed finally.

It had been so long coming that it took him by surprise and he spilt some of his lukewarm tea over his hand. He glanced round at her.

"What for?"

"For… for bringing me here." Rose shrugged. "For letting me try again. For forgiving me."

"I didn't have much choice, did I?" he said roughly, standing up and downing his tea in one go, and even managing not to pull a face. "Couldn't very well leave you here, could I? You'd only go getting yourself into more trouble."

Rose smiled weakly. "I'm sorry," she said, for the thousandth time that day.

"I know you are."

"I didn't know it would be such a big deal, I didn't think…"

"You humans never do," he said, but softly and he put an arm around her shoulders gently. "That's your main problem."

She looked up into his face. "Will it all be okay now? What happened I mean… is that it?"

He nodded. "He did what he had to do. He was a brave man."

Rose nodded, wiping her nose on an already sodden tissue. "The best."

"Like his daughter." The Doctor smiled again and kissed the top of her head. "I can see where you get it from." He walked away from the control room to put his mug back in the kitchen.

"I wonder what Mum would say if I told her."

He turned round quickly. "You can't tell her, Rose."

Rose sniffed. "Why not? She knows Dad died, why can't I tell her?"

"Because all of that, that never really happened for your mum. She won't remember any of it."

Her bottom lip began to tremble again. "But I can't just not say anything." He knew what she wanted. She wanted someone to talk to, to tell her feelings to, to share her grief. Anything to make her feel better. Only Jackie wasn't the one she could do that with.

"You've got to. For your mum's sake if no one else's." He moved towards her again and forced her to look up at his face. "Think about it, Rose. How would she feel to know you'd been there, that you were with your own father when he died?"

"But-"

"You're not to tell her."

Rose swallowed the lump in her throat. "Then what do I say?" she asked. She was looking to him for direction, asking for help.

"Nothing. You say nothing." As her face fell, he knew he had to soften the blow with something. She'd die inside if she couldn't say anything about today. Like he had until he'd met her, locking all his feelings and pain away inside of him. He didn't want that to happen to her. He rubbed her shoulder. "You say nothing to your mum. But you can say anything you like to me."

A smile finally broke across her face. She didn't say anything, but it was enough. Gingerly, she stood up and then he felt himself in her arms and for a few moments he hugged her back. Then he released his hold slightly, and she stepped away, her cheeks turning a light pink.

"This tea's cold," she said finally, picking her unemptied cup up. "I'll make some more. Do you want one?"

"Always." He handed her his cup. "Milk, three sugars remember."

"Like I could forget." Rose laughed. Just before she reached the corridor she paused and turned back round. "Doctor?"

"Yes?" He turned from where he was already fiddling with the control panel.

"Did you… did you think I was a cute baby?" she asked shyly.

He thought back to looking at that baby, the little innocent who had no idea what it would one day be capable of, and smiled. "The cutest," he replied. "The most beautiful baby I've ever seen."

Rose smiled back. "I thought so too," she said, laughing it off, before heading down the corridor.

He hadn't been joking. She had been beautiful. She still was.


	6. The Doctor Dances

Rose twirled around the control room. "I always wanted ballet lessons, you know, but Mum never let me."

"I wonder why," the Doctor grumbled, as Rose crashed into the part of the TARDIS he was working on. "Careful!"

"Someone's got their knickers in a twist!" Jack offered from the sidelines, where he was smoking a cigarette thoughtfully.

"Do you have to smoke that in here?" the Doctor demanded of him.

"It's a hard habit to break," Jack replied, stubbing it out.

"I'll get you patches."

Rose rolled her eyes. "You know, for someone who just saved the world, you're being very grumpy this morning."

"I was woken up at five a.m. by _someone_ practising their fandango." The Doctor shot Jack a filthy look.

"What? I'm a morning person!" Jack defended his right to dance.

"I'll bet you are." Rose flashed him a cheeky grin. She turned back to the Doctor. "That's your problem, you need to dance. Let all that frustration out."

"I'm not in the mood."

"But I am!" Rose grabbed his hand and pulled him to his feet.

Just inches away from her, he wanted time to stop and Jack to go away so that they could stay like this forever. But instead he dropped her hand and turned away.

"I said I'm not in the mood. Dance with Jack. He's _always_ in the mood."

"I want to dance with you!" Rose forced him to face her again. She glanced across at Jack. "No offence, Jack."

"None taken." He held his hands up. "I'll leave you two to your _dancing_." He sauntered away into the depths of the TARDIS.

"Rose, really, I don't have time for this." He tried to pull away again but she held on.

"Rubbish, you've got all the time you want." Rose put him in a position to dance. "Now, do you want a waltz or a tango?" She dragged him into a waltz. "You know, this would be a lot easier if you led."

And because she wanted him to, he did. She gave a yelp of surprise and then a broad grin as he whisked her into a fast waltz, putting in twists and turns when she wasn't expecting it. After several minutes, he tripped over her misplaced leg and they both tumbled to the ground laughing.

"That was… different," Rose gasped for breath.

"You said you wanted a dance. I gave you a dance." The Doctor sat up and brushed himself down. "You humans can never stand the pace. That's why I don't usually dance with you."

Rose arched an eyebrow. "So who do you usually dance with?"

He gave her a wry look. "You, Rose Tyler, need to learn to keep your nose out of some things."

"You love me for it," she said flippantly, but it was true, he did. He knew he complained about her always wandering off, but he loved that curious side of her. She was almost as good as getting herself into trouble as he was.

"But seriously," she spoke again. "Who would you like to dance with if you could?"

And because he was still on a high after yesterday's victory, he found himself confessing more than he intended to.

"You, Rose. I want to dance with you till the day I die," he admitted in such a low tone that she could hardly hear him over the hum of the TARDIS. She didn't reply but sat staring at him for several minutes. Finally he saw her begin to say something.

"The lights in the back corridor have gone out." Jack came up the corridor. "I think the old girl's got some power outage problems." He looked between the two of them, a suspicious smile spreading across his face. "Am I interrupting something? What happened to the dancing?"

"Just taking a rest," the Doctor scrambled to his feet. He checked a screen. "She needs to recharge. We'll drop into Cardiff for a bit, have a break ourselves while she charges up. Use that rift again. Remember the rift, Rose?"

Rose nodded. "Yeah." She sounded distracted. "I'm going to go and call Mickey. He could meet us there, couldn't he? It's been a while." She headed down the corridor to her room to pick her phone up.

"Mickey?" Jack turned to the Doctor for an explanation.

"Her boyfriend." The Doctor pulled a few levers more roughly than usual. That was what he needed to remember. Mickey the Idiot was her boyfriend. Not him.


	7. Boom Town

She'd disappeared to her room. She'd said she needed to get changed, to freshen up, but he knew. She needed to be alone to mourn the end of her relationship with Mickey. If this was the end. She hadn't been specific at all, but he suspected that something had happened before all the strange things kicked off. He tried to feel pleased. If she didn't have Mickey, then there was room for him. But he couldn't. He couldn't feel happy when he knew she was locked in her room, her head confused and her heart aching for the man she loved.

He couldn't go after her either. He wouldn't have known what to say. So he stayed in the control room, steering the TARDIS towards Raxacoricofallapatorius, pretending it was much harder than it was and needed his full concentration. Jack had gone after her instead.

"She said she needs some time alone," he said now, coming up the corridor. "She wasn't crying or anything though."

"She'll be fine." The Doctor shrugged it off. "We'll take a fun trip after this and she'll forget all about Ricky."

"Mickey." Jack gave him a warning look and the Doctor felt suitably ashamed. He felt slightly annoyed at that. He hadn't invited the ex-Time Agent on board only to have him turn against him. Ina flash of irritation he considered suggesting that Jack get off at their next stop and not return, but he knew he would just be being petty. He liked Jack, loved him even, though not in the way Jack would no doubt have liked. They were a team now, the three of them together. He wouldn't have wanted to let that go. And more importantly, Rose liked Jack.

There was a long pause and the Doctor busied himself flicking switches. He obviously didn't make too good a job of pretending as Jack didn't wander away, but instead stayed, watching him. It made the Doctor uncomfortable and he finally looked over.

"What?"

"Are you ever going to tell her?"

The Doctor frowned. "Tell who what?"

Jack gave him a pointed look. "Rose." When the Doctor didn't reply he continued. "It's obvious, Doctor, you… you've got a thing for her. And that's understandable, she's a great girl, sexy, fun, cute-"

"I not have a 'thing' for Rose," the Doctor replied shortly, interrupting Jack's list of the many qualities Rose had.

Jack, however, ignored him. "-She's game for anything, she's got a killer sense of humour, she can dance pretty well. She's feisty, but I mean, I always like that in a girl. Excellent-"

"Jack!" The Doctor cut in again, forcing him to stop. He really didn't want to hear what about Rose was excellent; he suspected that Jack wasn't going to say bone structure. "From the way you're talking it sounds like _you're_ the one with the thing for Rose."

"Well, I wouldn't say no…"

"But I don't. I don't have 'things' for people, especially not humans and especially not nineteen-year-old kids from the twenty-first century." The Time Lord doth protest too much. He wished he could stop his ranting; he's making it all worse. If he really didn't have a thing for her, then he was sure he'd have laughed it off, teased Jack a bit and then moved on. As it was, he was trying far too hard to deny the accusation.

"Right." Jack nodded. "So how comes you've let her turn one of the rooms in this place into a TV room? I thought you didn't do domestic."

"Everyone likes to watch a bit of TV."

"You watched Titanic with her last week."

"It's a good film! Not entirely historically accurate but-"

"Oh admit it!" Jack rolled his eyes, fed up with the pretence. "You're in love with her."

There was a long pause, the longest either of them could remember having between them. The Doctor finally lifted his eyes from the control panel and met Jack's anxiety and guilt all mingling in his face.

"Does she know?" he asked in a small voice.

Jack shook his head, and then shrugged. "Not for certain. She suspects something. She might even expect something." The Doctor raised his eyebrows. "She left her boyfriend behind. You don't do that for just anybody." Jack sighed. "But you need to tell her."

"I can't."

Jack shrugged again, and backed away. "Then I can't help you. But believe me; if you don't tell her, you'll lose her. Someone else will have more guts." He walked away.

The Doctor knew Jack was probably right, much as he hated to admit that. Rose was too good to hang around forever, waiting for him to admit how he felt. But he couldn't say it, couldn't commit himself like that. He'd lost everyone he loved before, he couldn't risk it again. Everyone he loved left or got taken eventually. He couldn't put her in that position. Not his Rose. So he sadly began tinkering with the TARDIS, setting up her escape route. Setting up Emergency Programme One.


	8. The Christmas Invasion

Out the corner of his eye he could see her sneaking glances at him over the top of her magazine. He didn't entirely blame her; he was still surprised when he walked past a mirror and caught sight of himself in it. The hair was the weirdest thing; he'd practically forgotten about brushing his hair in the morning.

Still, he wasn't about to let her get away with staring at him. He turned round when he saw her looking

"Do you like it?"

She hastily dived back into her magazine. "Like what?" she asked, more than a little flustered.

"The new me." When she didn't reply, he continued. "I saw you looking."

"I was just…" Rose tailed off and then gave up on faking it. "Don't you find it strange?" she asked. "Changing all the time I mean."

He shrugged. "It's normal for me. You get used to it."

"I wouldn't."  
"You would. If you were a Time Lord."

Rose shook her head. "I don't think so."

She put her head on one side and regarded him critically. He pulled a cheesy grin, but she didn't seem to react to it. He let the smile fade and leaned against the console, folding his arms, before thinking better of it and shoving them in his pockets.

"Am I better or worse now?"

Rose shrugged. "Different. Very different."

"Yeah, sorry about that. Can't be helped though. Comes with the territory."

Rose nodded. "You could have warned me though."

"I didn't exactly expect to have to do it," he reminded her.

"No. I guess not." She smiled finally. "You're okay. You'll do."

"Great!" He beamed. "So, Barcelona?"

"If you like." There was a long pause. "What happened to Jack?"

The Doctor froze momentarily and then regained some of his composure. He knew it would come sooner or later, this question. He should have been prepared for it. He'd had long enough. But he still didn't know how he could tell her.

"Doctor?" she prompted him.

"Right. Yes. Jack." He nodded. "He…"

He what?"

He scratched his ear awkwardly. "He… he was so brave up on Satellite Five. Fought like a real soldier. Amazing."

"But then what? Why didn't we bring him home with us?" Rose's eyes darted across his face, searching for something. He wasn't sure what. Once upon a time he'd have known instantly what she was thinking, but some of that faded with the regeneration. It was like he could remember some of her traits, but they were all a bit vague, like looking at them through a light mist. This had happened before of course, he'd soon get back up to speed. Things were already more clear than they had been lately. But she was still something of a mystery to him. Then it hit him; she was looking for comfort and reassurance that the thoughts she had in her head were made up. She wanted him to tell her Jack was fine.

"Doctor?"

"He…" He hesitated. He could tell her a lie, tell her that Jack had hitched a lift off the space station with someone. That he'd gone to live with Lynda with a Y. It was fully believable, the two of them travelling together. It was the kind of thing Jack would have done. Or he could say he'd stayed behind to clear up some of the mess, to make sure that in another hundred years something worse wouldn't happen. There were millions of lies at his fingertips that would save her heart from breaking again. But he couldn't lie to her.

"He died, Rose." He was being as gentle as he could be, but that wasn't gentle enough. Her face fell. He bit his tongue hard as all his feelings for her chose that moment to come rushing back into his head and hearts, making him feel slightly sick for one second. Then he took on his role as comforter.

"What happened?" she asked softly, as she found her way into his arms and buried her head in his chest.

"Daleks."

"Figures." She hugged him closer. "Couldn't you have saved him?"

"I wasn't the saving kind of guy that day."

"No." Another long pause. "We should do something. He can't just… We should…"

"Dance?"

She lifted her head up and looked at him. He looked at her closely, hoping she wouldn't take it the wrong way, wouldn't think he'd changed into come insensitive, uncaring man who'd dance on other peoples' graves and-

"Yeah." She said finally.

"Yeah?"

"Yeah, we should dance." She smiled suddenly, a flash of mischief in her eyes. "Let's see if you've still got those moves."


	9. New Earth

"Poor Cassandra."

"What?" He turned round to stare at Rose in disbelief. "Are you serious? You're serious, aren't you? Poor Cassandra? Poor Cassandra what?"

"You know, I think I preferred the old you. You were a lot less…"

"Dashing? Energetic? Excitable? Humourous?"

"Mouthy." Rose grinned. "And yes I am serious."

"The trampoline who's tried not once, but twice to kill us? You feel sorry for her?"

"She just wanted to stay young." Rose shrugged. "It must be strange to not be able to face up to your own mortality. Bit like you, really."

"She's nothing like me!"

"Yes she is! All that switching faces and jumping bodies and cheating death and-"

"I'm nothing like Cassandra." He was firm on that.

Rose fell silent for a time before she spoke again. "You said everything has to die some time."

"It does"

"What about you then?"

"What?" He frowned, taken aback by her question.

She shuffled awkwardly. "Well. You cheat death. Do you ever-"

"Yes."

"Oh." She nodded. "When?"

He shrugged. "Not for a long time yet I don't think. I've sort of lost count really… I'm only supposed to have thirteen regenerations, but it's all a bit random…"

"Right." She nodded again.

"You still find it weird don't you?"

"What?"

"Me. New new Doctor." He smiled. "I know it's strange for you but…"

"It's fine," Rose said eventually. "I mean, I was a bit confused at first. And you could have given me some warning. But it's fine now."

"Good. So where next?"

"Anywhere." She grinned. "I'd go anywhere with you."

He grinned back. "I'm glad you said that. The feeling's mutual." He pulled a lever. "Let's see where anywhere is then."


	10. Tooth and Claw

He was a lot more argumentative this time round, he thought, as he stomped out of another room of the TARDIS. Or she was getting more stroppy. Or maybe he had less authority this time round. She used to give in to the old him much more often; she'd sulk, yes, but she'd at least let the matter go. Now she refused to let him have the last word.

"If you hadn't wandered off-" He tried again to reason with her.

"Wandered off?" she screeched, storming after him. "I didn't _wander off_! I got sent to change my clothes, something you agreed with as I remember!"

"Well you were dressed pretty inappropriately-"

"You told me we were going to 1979! To a rock concert! Not bloody 1879, and you never mentioned Queen Victoria!"

She did have a point there.

"Well, we all make mistakes."

They were arguing over the length of time he'd taken to find Rose in the dungeon. He had to admit, he had been a bit slow and that a few minutes more might have resulted in a tricky situation, but it had all turned out all right, so he didn't really see the problem. Rose, however, was determined to have it out with him.

"And it's not like it's the first time you've been a bit slow either!" she continued. "You were hardly quick at Christmas either!"

"I was regenerating!"

"You were asleep!" She seemed to calm down a bit after shouting the last bit at him, and he felt safe enough to move towards her, though very gingerly.

"Look, I'm sorry," he said. "I should have noticed where you were sooner, I know that. But as soon as I realised, I was straight down there, I…" He put his hands on her shoulders. "I wouldn't have left you in any danger any longer than I had to. I'd never do that."

Rose met his eyes unwillingly. "Promise?"

"Promise." He pulled her into a hug and let himself acknowledge that he had been just a little worried about her down there. "You're too important to me for me to just leave you somewhere. Of course I'll come and get you out of whatever trouble you've got yourself into."

"I don't go looking for trouble," Rose mumbled.

He smiled. "Yes you do, Rose."

She met his eye guiltily and blushed. "Well, I suppose maybe a little."

"A lot. But that's okay." He hugged her again. It was fine if she went looking for trouble. Because he'd always be there to get her out of it.


	11. School Reunion

"How comes Mickey can come this time?"

He turned round and looked at her. She had that look on her face again. She was unhappy. No, she was upset. Actually, it was that delightful mix between the two; she was pissed off beyond belief and she intended to find answers and probably take some of her annoyance out on him.

"What do you mean?" He stalled for time, wondering if he could make a break down the corridor and lock himself in a bathroom to escape her. Knowing the TARDIS though, she'd let Rose through. These women tended to gang up on him.

"Well, the last time I suggested it, you said no," Rose reminded him. "You said you wouldn't have him around. You said it would get complicated."

"Well, new new Doctor, new new outlook." He beamed, hoping it would work. It was strange; even after all this time, he still believed in hope.

Rose raised her eyebrows without changing her expression. "You can't keep using that excuse."

"Getting a bit old, isn't it?"

"Just a bit."

He scratched behind his ear. "I don't know, I thought you'd like having him along. Some company for you."

"I don't need more company. I've got you." She was talking without blushing now. He remembered when she was embarrassed by being around him, saying certain things to him. Now she didn't seem to mind.

"You know what I mean." He shrugged. "You and him… you don't get to spend much time together, you hardly ever see him."

Rose met his eyes guiltily, and this time at least had the good grace to blush. "I'd have stayed at home if I wanted to spend all my time with Mickey. Anyway, that's not a real answer. _Adam_ would have been company for me."

"Oh, God, _him_!" The Doctor nearly choked in exasperation. "Are we still going on about him?" He sighed. "I guess after Jack… I just thought you might like someone a bit more-"

"More what?" Rose interrupted.

"Normal. More your age." He shrugged. "Sorry. I didn't realise it would be that big a deal."

"It's not." Rose hesitated before continuing. "Unless he's just company for when you abandon me."

The Doctor turned back round to face her, not believing what he was hearing. "I'm sorry?"

"Well. Sarah-Jane had no-one when you left her. Except the tin dog." Rose shrugged. "I just figured… well, if Mickey was with me, wherever you ended up dumping me-"

"That's not going to happen!" he said exasperatedly.

"That's what you say now."

"I've said it dozens of times! How many times do I need to say it, Rose?" He was almost shouting. "I'm not going to just leave you somewhere like that, I'm not going to chuck you out without so much as a goodbye."

"I bet you said that to her once too." Rose was strangely distant. "What did she do to deserve it?"

"Nothing!"

"But there must have been something!" Rose glared at him suddenly. "I have a right to know, don't I? So I can avoid it myself, or at least prepare myself for it. Did she make it too domestic or something? Did she wander off too often or make your tea wrong or hog the TV?" She was becoming slightly hysterical. He'd never seen her so upset, even after meeting her father. This had obviously been bothering her all day, maybe longer.

"Rose," he said warningly, wanting her to stop pushing him.

"What? I want to know!" Tears fell down her face. "I _need _to know. Please."

He shoved a hand in his pocket and looked down at the floor. "She got too close. I'd become too dependent on her." He shrugged. "I was scared, I guess. Typical man, eh?"

Rose sniffed loudly and wiped her face. "Is that it? You… you chucked her out because…" She gulped loudly. "Without saying goodbye?"

"I had to go back to Gallifrey, I couldn't take her with me." He sighed. "I said I'd be back for her. But I… I lied I guess. Always moving on."

Rose nodded. She took a deep breath. "So where does that leave me?"

He looked up and met her eye. "Here. With me. If you want."

She smiled slightly shame-facedly, with sticky tear marks down her face. "You know I want."

He smiled back. "Good."

"But promise me one thing."

"What?"

"You'll say goodbye."

There was a long wait while he turned the request over in his mind. He hated goodbyes, they were so final. They made the present into the past, and he really hated that. But she'd asked.

He nodded. "I promise. I'll say goodbye."

Rose nodded back. "Thank you," she said softly, before brushing the last few tears away. She smiled, colour rushing into her cheeks again. "So anyway, where were we?"

"Bitching about Ricky if I remember rightly," the Doctor teased. "You better go and make sure he doesn't touch anything important."

"Yeah." Rose nodded. "Okay."

As she walked away, he thought about what he'd just admitted. He'd admitted he'd got too close to someone. That that was the reason he'd let them go. But he was already far closer to Rose than he'd ever been to Sarah-Jane. And yet he didn't want to let her go. This wasn't the first time the paranoia had risen, and he was sure it wouldn't be the last. But she had nothing to fear; he'd never let her go.


	12. The Girl in the Fireplace

It had been a few days since they'd landed on the spaceship and visited pre-Revolutionary France, and still he could hardly bear to think about it. They hadn't been anywhere in particular; he'd let Rose show off a bit to Mickey about the kinds of places they went, but he hadn't participated much. He remembered when he told Rose he could feel the Earth turning beneath his feet; now it felt like it was turning and leaving him behind. He felt so disconnected from everything as he tried to come to turns with what had happened. What he'd done. Trying to avoid her, avoid explaining himself. _I'm always fine_. It wouldn't hold her off for long.

And now here she was, standing in the control room, having left Mickey somewhere in the depths of the TARDIS. Pulling on her jacket sleeves, and twirling her hair anxiously. Finally.

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah, just fine, you know me."

Rose didn't drop her gaze from his back, he could feel her eyes boring into him. "I thought I did," she said a little sadly.

He frowned and turned to face her fully. "What do you mean? Of course you know me-"

"No, I don't, 'cause you won't tell me anything!" Rose shook her head. "You've been so quiet the last few days, that's not like you. But every time I try and talk to you, you just fob me off with that pathetic lie. And I know you're not fine." She paused for breath. "So. Tell me what's wrong."

She was just a girl, just a child. But she was so much more than that. She'd stepped into his life and taken over and reminded him how life should be. How life _could_ be if he'd just let go a bit and share things with her. He ran a hand over his face, searching for the right way to tell her everything that was chasing around his head.

She made it easy for him. "How comes Reinette didn't come back with you?"

He sighed heavily. "She died." Rose blinked in surprise. "That loose connection in the fireplace. When I went back I was too late, it was years after I'd left her. I was in time to see her leave Versailles for the last time."

"Oh." She managed to pack a lot of feeling into that tiny word. She hesitated before adding, "That's awful. Was she very old?"

"Only forty-two." He sighed again and shrugged his shoulders, trying to act nonchalant about it. "But it's not important, I mean, things like this happen, people die. Especially around me." He grit his teeth, forcing himself not to let those irritating tears escape. "I just feel… well, I should have been able to do something. All this power, Rose, all these opportunities to save people and travel through time, and I couldn't _do_ anything to help her."

"You saved her once," Rose reminded him gently. "You risked everything to save her."

He could hear the unspoken words in the air, could sense them just from her tone of voice and the look in her eyes. She wasn't deliberately making it obvious, she'd shoved her own feelings and hurt as far aside as possible, but she couldn't hide them completely from him. He could see it. _You risked me to save her_.

"I know," he said softly. "I'm sorry."

Rose faked indifference. "What for?"

"Making you wait. Leaving you behind." He could hardly believe he was even having to admit that. He'd left her behind. Her, Rose. After everything they'd been through, everything they said to each other… he'd just gone with barely a second thought. It was only when he'd been standing in that room with Reinette, looking up at the stars that he wondered what he'd really done. And it hurt. It hurt to think that he wouldn't be seeing Rose again, wouldn't ever speak to her. He hadn't even said goodbye.

"Oh, that doesn't matter." Rose brushed his apology off. "You did what you had to do. And anyway, it was only five and a half hours, I've waited longer for a bus!" She laughed, but he could tell it was forced. "Anyway. I had Mickey for company." She bit her lip anxiously and then added, "I'd have waited longer."

"How long?"

"Forever."

"No." He shook his head suddenly. "You mustn't do that, Rose."

"What?" Rose frowned. "I'll wait however long I damn well want."

"But you can't." He was sure on this point. "Always wait five and a half hours, Rose. But then stop waiting. Move on, leave me behind."

"Don't be stupid." Rose sounded near tears. "I couldn't just leave you, I…" She shook her head. "You don't know what you're saying."

"If one day, I go and don't come back," he continued, "don't wait any longer than you did. Let go." He reached out and took her hand in his. "Promise me that."

She smiled weakly. "We're making each other a lot of promises lately."

"I know."

She nodded, taking a deep breath and swallowing her tears and sobs down. "I promise." She sighed. "But you better never make me have to keep that promise. Because I don't want to leave you."

He smiled and pulled her into a tight hug, a hug he'd wanted for days. He didn't know what it was about Rose, but her hugs always made it seem slightly better, like she was taking some of his pain away each time. He couldn't believe he'd left her behind.

"Doctor?" Her voice was little above a whisper, and wobbled hesitantly.

"Yeah?"

"Did you… did you love her?"

He'd wondered that over the past few days. She'd changed him, that was for certain, that woman from France. The girl in the fireplace. But love?

"I understood her," he said eventually, thinking about what he and Reinette had shared. "She understood me."

Rose lifted her head off his shoulder and nodded, looking at his face hard. "Yeah. I thought so."

"Am I interrupting something?" They both jumped as Mickey entered the control room. The Doctor turned his back and hastily collected his thoughts, while Rose backed away, faking a smile and shaking the few tears off her face.

"No, don't be stupid!" she said over-brightly. "You okay?" She rubbed her hands on her jeans, small streaks of mascara being left on the denim. "I better go and call Mum, let her know we haven't dropped off the planet. Or universe. Whatever." She pulled her phone out of her pocket and headed down the corridor. "You two play nice!" she called over her shoulder.

Mickey fixed the Doctor with a suspicious gaze. "So you two had your talk then?"

The Doctor frowned. "We were talking, yes."

"She's been worried about you." Mickey shoved his hands in his pockets. "Don't know why. You weren't too worried about her the other day. Either of us, in fact."

"Oh now hold on!" He was not about to be lectured by some bloke who was only on board the TARDIS in the first place by default.

But Mickey wasn't listening. "You know, I've kind of accepted she's not going to come home. At least not back to me. And I was even starting to kind of like you." He shrugged awkwardly. "If she wants to forgive you, that's her call. But I just wanted to say to you… don't you dare break her heart." He sniffed. "That's all. I'll go back to my room for a bit now."

The Doctor looked at him. He really had no idea, did he? No idea about how the Doctor felt about Rose, or how much he hated himself for having abandoned her in favour of Reinette. No idea how much he'd fought internally to stop himself feeling the way he did. And no idea how, even if he wanted to, even if he lost his temper with her and wanted to call her all the names under the sun, he could never in a million years even try and break Rose's heart. She was far too special to him for him to risk it.

"Actually, Mickey," he said finally. "You could help me out if you like."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. Just hold that button down for me."


	13. Age of Steel

Trying to lighten the mood a little, he tried on an American accent, aiming for a sort of nineteen-forties' gangster feel. "So it's just you and me now kid."

"Yeah, I guess." Rose was distant, vague. She looked exhausted.

He dropped the act. "Rose, come away from the door. We've got to go."

She obeyed him and stood by the console, her hand resting lightly on it while they moved away from the parallel universe. She wiped her face with her sleeve.

"Did we have to go so quickly?" she asked eventually.

He looked up from the screen. "The energy wouldn't last forever. We'll need to go and recharge as soon as we get back to our world." He looked down again. "Anyway, there wasn't much left to stay for."

"How can you say that?"

"Well, we'd done all we could. Saved the world again, blah blah, no need for thanks." A thought suddenly struck him. "You know, have you noticed how no one _ever_ says thank you? Never even acknowledges our intervention! You'd think we'd get _some_ gratitude!"

Rose ignored his rambling. "What about Mickey? And Jake? And all those other things out there just waiting to destroy things? What about them?"

"They'll be fine." He shrugged. "You know, Mickey really has gone up in my estimation! He's a fast worker."

"Not enough to get him to stay though."

"What do you mean?"

"You didn't even try and convince him to come with us," Rose pointed out. "You just… let him stay."

"I never make people come with me." He paused. "At least, not when they're happy and at home."

"What do you mean, happy and at home?" Rose demanded. "His home's miles from there! His home's back where mine is, back in _our_ London!"

"But that's not your home anymore, is it?"

"What?"

He sighed heavily. "Rose, think about it. If you went back there today and stayed, would you be happy? Stayed forever I mean."

Rose shrugged. "I'd be okay."

"Maybe. But would you be happy?"

She shrugged again before shaking her head slowly. "But that's different."

"No it's not. Mickey's got a place back there, a family, a purpose. He's not just sitting and hanging around for you to get back."

Rose didn't reply but stood, picking at her fingernails distractedly. He wanted to rush over and give her a hug and tell her it would all be fine, but he knew he needed to take a step back now. So much had happened to her recently; she'd found her dad again, only he wasn't. She'd watched her non-mum die. She'd said goodbye to her best friend. He wasn't what she needed right now.

"I thought we might call in on your mum," he informed her, programming the co-ordinates. "Drop in, have a cup of tea, get slapped…. What do you think?"

Rose didn't reply for a while, and then finally jerked herself into the present. "Yeah. That would be nice," she said softly. "Thank you."

He smiled at her. "Anytime."


	14. The Idiots' Lantern

"You know, we should party more often," Rose decided, sinking into the sofa thankfully. "And we should use this room more often! What is this?"

"I like to call it the parlour," he replied, flopping down beside her. "I thought it went with your outfit. Bit of fifties glamour."

Rose looked around and then laughed. "And you've even got the Union Flag hanging the right way up!"

"Well you know, Queen and country," he fiddled with the knot on his tie and pulled it off, loosening his top button. "I do like to blend in with the locals." He felt down the back of the sofa. "Ah, here we are!" He produced a remote control. "Fancy watching some television?"

"No thanks!" Rose shuddered and took the remote off of him. "Why have you even got a remote control? Not very fifties glamour." Then she saw the TV. "And neither's that!" She jabbed a finger towards the thirty-two inch widescreen. A look of realisation came over her face. "This is where you sneak off to when I watch Eastenders, isn't it?"

"Maybe." He brushed it aside. "So what shall we do if you don't want to watch television?"

She shrugged. "Don't know. What else can you do in a parlour?"

"Play parlour games. Or… I don't know…" He turned to look at her. She had her head partly resting on his shoulder, her face partly hidden behind a length of blonde hair. She'd kicked her shoes off and had her legs curled underneath her like a cat. Hesitantly he leaned down and kissed the top of her head, burying his nose in the familiar smell of her hair.

"What was that for?" she asked, smiling and lifting her head off his shoulder. Looking into her face, he remembered the awful moment when he'd realised who the blank faced girl standing in front of him was.

"Nothing," he replied, still savouring the sight before him.

"Then why are you looking at me like that?"

"Like what?" He forced himself to stop staring. "No, I was just… reaffirming your existence."

Rose looked at him, unable to hide a dubious smile. "Well, consider myself entirely reaffirmed," she teased. "You want to watch TV don't you?"

"I wouldn't mind," he agreed. "If you're okay with that."

"So long as you zap any sort of weird thing that leaps out at me, I'm good." Rose handed the remote back. "Only no cop shows, I'm not so keen on them."

They settled down to watch a DIY show. Rose snuggled back into his shoulder. He couldn't help feeling pleased to be normal for once, if only for one night.


	15. The Satan Pit

He remembered what Rose had said to him within minutes of being back on board the TARDIS.

"We are so going to visit Mum. She'll wonder where we've been! What if she's been trying to call us?"

Having sent her to bed hours ago, he prepared himself for seeing Jackie again. It wasn't that he didn't like Rose's mother. It was just he wasn't so keen on being slapped or shouted at or otherwise abused. Even if he did deserve it. He wondered how much Rose would tell her. About losing her face. About being abandoned on a planet falling into a black hole. He deserved a thousand slaps for each of them. He didn't know if he could even look Jackie in the eye and promise her again, like she made him every time she saw him, to keep her daughter safe and to bring her back home every time. It had been a close call this time. Maybe they shouldn't go so far away, he mused, as he lay on his bed. Maybe in the future they should stay closer to Earth, closer to her time. He had a feeling Rose wouldn't stand for that. She'd demand to know what was going on and why he was being so pathetically cautious. To be honest, he didn't think he could live like that.

Back when her face had been stolen, he'd found himself panicking, not being able to remember exactly what she looked like. He'd get the smile right in his mental image, but the eyes all wrong. Yet down in that pit, she was all he could think about, all he could imagine. Her face had haunted him, had kept him going. Because he had to get back to her. He wasn't about to leave her behind again.

He was restless this evening, wanting to be doing something to try and take his mind off of what had happened today, what the Beast had said. _The valiant child who will die in battle so soon_. He had told Rose it meant nothing, but he wasn't so sure. He'd seen what that creature was and he'd believed it. Maybe it was right. Rose dying. That was a new concept for him.

Leaving his room he made his way to her bedroom. She had left her light on. He wondered if she'd just been too tired to get up and turn it off, or if she just needed some security tonight. She looked quite peaceful. His Rose.

Trying to define their relationship today had been strange. He'd never even tried to put a label on it before. She was just Rose, he was just the Doctor. The Doctor and Rose. He couldn't think of a title they could put on it. Best friends. Partners. Companions. Soulmates. No matter what he tried, nothing quite fit. She was more than all of it, more than any words could explain. She was…

"How long have you been standing there?"

He jumped as she sat up, bleary eyed, and stretched.

"Not long," he stuttered. "Just passing by. You left your light on."

"Yeah. I didn't fancy darkness tonight," she admitted. She looked at her bedside clock. "It's late. Well, I think it is. Is it?"

He smiled. The time thing was one of the hardest parts of the TARDIS. He nodded. "Yeah, it is pretty late. I couldn't sleep."

"Lucky you!" Rose yawned loudly. "It's not much fun when you get there."

"Bad dreams again?" Sometimes he found her sobbing into her pillow, still fast asleep.

"Just a few," Rose agreed sleepily. "Today was… not that fun."

"No, I know." He sat down on the bed. "Sorry."

"It wasn't your fault. Hey, you saved the day!" She grinned. "Which I suppose I ought to thank you for."

"You don't have to thank me for anything," he replied. "It's the just the common folk that need to do that."

Rose nodded, smiling. "Well in that case, if I really don't have anything to thank you for…"

"Why do I sense I'm going to be asked to do something?" he asked, pulling a face.

Rose blushed slightly. "Sorry. But would you mind… sleeping in here with me tonight? It's fine if you don't want to, I just… feel safer when you're around."

There was nothing he'd rather do.

"Go on then!" he said, mock-grudgingly. "Shove over."

Both settled in bed, he propped himself up one on elbow.

"I suggest this is one thing we don't tell your mum about," he joked.

"I second that," Rose agreed. "Thanks for staying."

"That's okay." He waited a long time before continuing, in a much softer voice, ruffling some of the hairs on her pillow. "I feel safer when you're around too." There was no response from her. "Rose?" Then he smiled and pulled the duvet up more around her as she slept. Turning over, he closed his eyes and went to sleep.


	16. Love and Monsters

"You can't save everyone, you know."

He turned round in surprise. He hadn't said a word to her about the thoughts flying round his head. But she knew.

"Elton's mum, you tried." She spoke softly, and stepped towards him. He looked down into her upturned face, and wondered if he would ever tire of her. Sometimes he thought he knew her inside out, knew every last inch of her by heart. And then she'd do something he didn't expect, and he'd find himself wondering at her all over again. "You saved Ursula. Sort of." She shrugged. "You save a lot of people. Don't beat yourself up over his mum." He opened his mouth to speak, but she cut him off. "And don't tell me I don't understand. Because I do."

He couldn't help smiling at her. "Understand what?"

Rose gestured widely with her arms. "This, all of this. This… helping people, saving them all… I know why you do it."

He raised his eyebrows curiously.

"The Time War." The words she spoke sent his face crashing down again, and he could feel himself turning away from her, ever so slightly. "And don't turn away from me, you always do this." Rose caught his arm. "It's okay to be sad, you know, it's okay to… to move on and _enjoy your life_."

"I do enjoy my life." He did. He did now he'd found her. He felt the usual rush of feelings towards her, and wanted to hold her, wanted to tell her everything he felt. That she'd shown him how to live again, how to throw yourself into life with abandon. That she'd chipped away at the walls he'd built up around himself, that she'd unlocked everything about him when he thought the key had long been discarded and lost. She was his life.

"Then why don't you let go sometimes? Stop being so… so hard on yourself. It's not your fault people die."

"I could have saved her though."

"And you've managed to save hundreds of people before." Rose touched his face gently. "You've saved the world so many times. People die all the time and people could have saved them. Do you think they spend the rest of their lives brooding about it?"

He shrugged, not sure what to say for possibly the first time in his life.

Rose smiled gently and hugged him. "You're a hero, Doctor. And even heroes have off days."

He hugged her back. He wasn't a hero; he was just a man running scared from the things he'd seen and done. A man trying to make it all right in the world. And yet somehow, when Rose was this close, this young girl made him feel like he'd succeeded, like he'd really made a difference. He only remembered the good he'd done, instead of the mistakes and disasters. She made him feel like a hero.


	17. Fear Her

"Papua New Guinea?" Rose was still in complete disbelief. "Papua New Guinea? When did they get so good?"

"Hey, a lot happens in six years!" The Doctor shrugged. "While all you lot are running round worrying about bird 'flu and school dinners, they're getting their heads down and working hard." He managed to let a grin escape. "And of course a spaceship crashed there in 2009."

It took a few seconds for Rose to realise what he was saying. Her jaw dropped. "You mean…? They're…"

"Yep."

"But that's cheating!" Rose exclaimed. "They can't field aliens against a team of humans, that's just not fair!"

"There's no rules about it!"

"Well they probably didn't think they'd need to!" Rose pointed out. "It's not exactly a common occurrence."

"You'd be surprised." The Doctor scratched his ear. "You've seen for yourself, Rose, people tend not to see what's right under their noses. Until they start accepting what's there, I say fair play to Papua New Guinea."

Rose grinned. "You would." She shook her head in wonderment. "So all in all, that was a pretty alien affair. What with you and the athletes and the whole thing nearly being destroyed by one…" She grinned again. "And then it was all saved by a human."

"Alright, no need to boast." The Doctor grinned back and teasingly pinched her cheek. "Didn't we do well today?" he said in a patronising voice.

"I kicked arse!" Rose wrestled out of his grip and rubbed her cheek, wincing. "Go on, admit it, I saved you, back there. I was-"

"Fantastic." He finished the sentence for her. She looked a bit startled at his quick response. He supposed his choice of words was having an effect on her too. She turned away, a pink colour coming into her cheeks. But he wasn't letting her get away from it this easily.

Catching her arm he said, "No, really, you were."

"It was nothing."

"Rose, I've saved a lot of people," he said gently. "It's never nothing."

Rose met his eyes. "You never make a big deal of it."

"No, I know. But maybe I should." He smiled, holding onto her hand so tightly he nearly cut the blood supply off. "You were fantastic back there. You always are."

Rose smiled shyly. "So are you. I learnt from the best."

"Well, you know, I do try…" He dodged a slap from her. "Hey, watch it! Now, go and get your stuff together and I suppose we better drop in on your mother." He tried to sound more cheerful than he felt.

Rose's eyes sparkled mischievously. "Well, seeing as we've both been so _fantastic_ lately, I was thinking maybe we could take a quick trip first."

"Oh yeah?" He liked the sound of this.

"Yeah. You know, just a quick stop off somewhere, take in the sights…"

He raised his eyebrows. "And where would this quick trip be to?"

"Barcelona."

Of course.


	18. Doomsday

**Last chapter! Thanks for all the reviews! I've tried not to make it too sad, put a bit of a positive light on things. Special thanks to Scout Girl and Whisper Luna for their continuing support throughout this story.**

**

* * *

**He orbited the supernova for three whole days. It felt like an eternity, just spinning around and around. It gave him forever alone with his thoughts, but forever was too long now. He had too much to think about, too much guilt and pain. The Time War, Rose, Reinette, Sarah-Jane… all those people he could have saved if he'd been a bit quicker, a bit smarter, a bit more humane. Forever used to mean he had all the time in the world to make everything right; now forever was just a life sentence, a testimony to what he'd gained and others had lost. But forever was too short too. Rose had said she'd stay with him forever, and she hadn't. He felt irrationally angry at her for that, for letting him down. But she had no choice, he knew that. He was just being stupid. 

His first reaction was to hide himself away, stay circling this supernova, not harming anyone. He could cry and wail and no one need ever know anymore of him. For the first time in his life, he was scared of the universe outside. It had taken away too many of his friends, too many people he… It was a cruel place. But he couldn't hide forever.

His second reaction was to get straight back out and begin fighting battles and saving people, like some modern day super-hero. Like saving others would begin mending the chasm in his hearts. He could save a thousand people, a million, the entire universe. But it wouldn't make up for those he'd lost forever.

He rode a wave of energy out of the supernova, letting the TARDIS go where it wanted. It didn't matter where he went, he had no one to share it with.

His third reaction was to find someone to spend forever with. Someone to hold his hand and hang on his every word. Someone to fill the TARDIS with their stupid ape rubbish, and lose things and wander off. He'd told her he wouldn't find another but… forever's a long time. And yet not long enough. Forever would end sooner than he expected, it always did.

Nothing ever lasts forever.

Except this. He knew this would, that he would never stop the ache in his hearts or his pain. It might get less in time, he might find it easier to cope with. But the feeling would never go away. And he didn't want it to, not ever. He wanted this feeling forever. Because it was amazing, he loved it, he wanted more. It had changed his life, and changed him. It had taken him places he'd never been before, made him experience things he'd never have thought possible. And it was forever.

Hurtling through space on the back of a supernova, the last Time Lord said what he thought he'd run out of time to say.

"Rose Tyler, I love you."

* * *

In a different universe, on a very different day, Rose Tyler lifted her head off her pillow as the alarm woke her up. The breeze was ruffling the curtains and the sun was shining brightly. She couldn't help but smile. It felt like today had been made for her by him. He'd spoken to her in her dream. And he'd told her what she'd always known. 

"I love you too," she said softly. And she knew it was forever.


End file.
